As the pendulum swings: the reality of polarity

Now I know this is a sensitive issue, and only just my opinion, but please hear me out before you shut me down: here goes!
I'm often stunned at how many times a major issue seems to be less about what is being contested and more about who's contesting it. Take for instance the terms Cracker/N*****: if both parties are of the same ethnicity, it's often taken as a friendly jibe, but if the speaker is another ethnicity it is taken as a racist remark, whether this is in fact the case or not. Another example is when the only views presented are extreme opposites, even if the great majority of public opinion is somewhere in between. Take for instance the gun control issue, where it's hard to find an opinion that isn't ether for banning guns outright or arming everyone, yet when you ask a random person on the street they'd most likely feel somewhere in between those positions.